Sunday, post run training!

I think I might be in my red sports car era—only it’s a dog stroller for Winston, and I have zero regrets. Lately, I’ve been thinking about what makes me happy and what my interests are, which should help define my goals and hobbies. Right now, I’m thankful for the gym because it helps me feel in control and calms my mind. I’ve never really "fan girled" over anything—am I the only one? (Okay, I did have a ‘Team Jacob’ t-shirt, so that probably counts!)

People have said to me that ‘life isn’t linear,’ but I don’t think I truly understood that until recently. I always believed success and happiness were tied to what I could afford and how fast I could grow my career. Now, at 43, I’m questioning what happiness and success really look like for me. Post-surgery, I realize it’s more than just about food and genetics—it’s about understanding myself. If I can kick the door open and look in the mirror, you can too.

It’s not really a first if you’ve done it before, but after a total life reset, I can call it whatever I want! Some highlights: I raced go-karts for the first time since 1995, wore a shirt and white cowboy boots that fit perfectly, and even went on a Stampede ride—no issues fitting in, and I felt so proud of myself. I also found a swimsuit that didn’t cause an unflattering leg/vagina gap—apple shapes, you get me!

Father’s Day is coming, and it always has a way of sneaking up on you. For now, I’m just dreaming about a calming Sunday night bath post water crisis 2024.

It’s been challenging trying to figure out how to put myself first while balancing work, being a good wife and doggie mom, and filling my cup with friends. I already see myself slipping into old habits, but I’m making time for my story and my voice—not being perfect, but doing what I need to be the best version of me. We all have our scars, but I wanted more for myself than what I saw in the mirror at 24, and I think I did ok.

One thing Brandi and I have talked about is making true connections where I let people actually see me, not just the version I want them to see. I spent years shut down, putting my self-worth in what others thought of me, never feeling enough. I’m working on me, working on healthy, working on being enough, and sticking it to the patriarchy.

The last year has been HARD, and it has been BEAUTIFUL. You have to go on living, and they wouldn’t want you to spend too much time fussing over them. I wish it didn’t take the death of my father to wake me up from this lifestyle, but it did. Thanks, Dad, for the push. I love you, I miss you, and I hope you’re having a blast up there.