The Next Chapter

It’s been a while since I last wrote, I needed some time to make sense of things happening in my life. I was always told that your 30’s are some of the best years, filled with changes and growth - which was true for me. However, I think we need to prepare the others for the absolute shit storm that happens when you’re in your 40’s and rreeealllyyyy take stock of your life, mentally, emotionally and physically. Those cocky 30-somethings think they have it all figured out.

My healing process has been long, challenging, wonderful, awful, painful and needed. Since I took my leave in July, so much has changed, I’ve changed. I’m learning to embrace my ADHD quirks, understand that my compassion to see people in ways they need to be seen is a gift, while learning my boundaries and who/what I let into my life is my choice - I don’t need to sacrifice my peace. I’m slowing starting to open up, to trust people with my true feelings, let people help me and to stop burying what I want and need deep into the depths of my anger.

Most of you know, I recently made a huge life decision; it was the hardest, scariest, bravest thing I have ever done for myself. After 17 years of growing up in an organization, working my way from analyst to director - I resigned from Parkland. If you’d have asked me two years ago, I would have told you this day would never come, but life’s got a funny way of saying “hold my beer”.

I have made lifelong friends, memories and honestly some of the funniest moments I can remember happened with these amazing people - Sandi and Tyler, we both know what ranks at the top. Kristi, the adventures we had trying to find random hotels in Ontario, Montreal where there’s honestly too many to name. Carrying road sings at 3AM with Josi after Hurley’s, trying to eat breakfast hung over with Kamal, Chelsea stepping on Mathieu’s laces while we walked, almost getting trapped on Vancouver Island by accident. Finding out about Jane’s red room, something about a wooden leg? Hahahaha. Bowling Chris’ coke cans with Mel’s paper weight, Tetris Halloween costume (we were robbed that year), Bowden BBQ’s, pancake breakfasts in the Red Deer parking lot. Don’t even get me started on the Christmas parties at the Black Night Inn….. best cold cuts ever (IYKYK), Kristi and I trying to steel a Christmas tree after Dean took us to McDonalds, Joel drinking out of a flower vase, Vanilla Ice …. I wouldn’t trade these memories for anything.

I still need more time to heal, to keep learning about myself, what I want, what makes me feel whole. I’m grateful after all of the years of sacrifice I have the opportunity to.

I guess the lesson is, you deserve happiness, you deserve to feel safe, loved, appreciated. You deserve the ability to have healthy boundaries, to be able to advocate for yourself and what you need at each stage of your life. You deserve to have healthy coping mechanisms. You deserve love, support and encouragement from a close knit group of family and friends who are never far. Sometimes, it comes from places you didn’t expect (I mean you Boivin).

So, I guess it’s time to figure out what’s next? I’m in no rush and fully intend to try as many new and different experiences as I can. Follow me as I figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

**That picture was taken right after my last official meeting with HR. Yes, that’s how I showed up …