Two Years
Three years, yes I know the post says two but technically my journey has been almost three. It doesn’t seem like a long time when you think about it in the grand scheme of things.
3 years of 45… not much
2 years to transform your body and live another 40+.. doable
But … in those few years a person can live three lifetimes.
Mental work .. SO MUCH WORK
Learning what healing means
Learning it’s safe to have an opinion without waking up the inner rage monster
Working on healing and acceptance
Leave of absence
Leaving a career of 17 years in a place you thought you’d retire from
Caring for a geriatric dog (Jesus Christ this one is hard)
Getting a puppy (cute but psycho)
Taking another big role and hoping to god I was ready
Jimmy’s health
Marriage in general
Learning to trust myself and others
Trying to navigate ADHD and a zillion meds that don’t work
Perimenopause
…. I am fucking tired of running
I feel like some years you live life at 1000 miles an hour, and for me it’s been like that for the last three. The crazy part is I wouldn’t change any of it but I would like to try and find a life balance that isn’t quite this pace. But to be fair, I don’t know if that’s possible unless you’re independently wealthy and the bank account is never empty.
But it begs the question, for those of us who are primary income earners do we ever let ourselves prioritize life over work? When I was off, I found passions in cooking, creating recipes, writing this blog, personal training, nutrition. The thought of trying to incorporate any of that now at the same level of effort feels like an impossible task. What is the magic recipe, please tell me, in extensive detail, diagrams are encouraged - I’m a visual learner.
So far my 40’s have turned into an endless stream of the proverbial ‘fork in the road’ for everything big and small. Or better yet, in Mario Cart Moo Moo Meadows where you’re driving 100KM an hour just trying to avoid the giant cows on the roadway - welcome to 45… lol.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all bad. Some parts of it are liberating for us Gen X women … we started telling men to fuck off, learned how to tell them to fuck off like a ‘lady’, stopped giving a shit if our clothes come from Costco (in this economy, the devil wears Kirkland - am I right), figured out boundaries, started to enforce them, found our lifelong friends, learned that there’s not enough hours in the day to get enough protein and water, and started asking ourselves what’s next for us and really working hard to find that peace.
I feel like I’ve lost the plot here but, my point is that life is not without its challenging years. I wish we knew how long it lasts and how to pick the next right fork in the road and find peace (FYI peace is nowhere to be found on Glenmore Trail in rush hour..hahah).
